The normally scorching hot sand felt cool beneath my tired feet as I threw my flip flops by the showers and raced down the steps after him. It had been an emotionally draining night that had filled my mind with thoughts that were racing and I was having a hard time concentrating. He was silent and hadn't spoken since we'd stepped onto the moonlit beach. I looked down the shoreline and saw the other two walking side by side and I felt my heart drop into my stomach. He finally spoke. He'd been staring out at the ocean for a full 5 minutes and was finally saying something. The words he said I'll never forget.

"Have you ever wondered what would happen if the waves just stopped?"

I hadn't.

Every year when I return to that beach, I walk down there at night and just stand on the shore in silence and think about what he said.

What if the waves stopped?

I wish I had known. I wish I was sitting here thinking back on it and actually thinking that it was a good idea. I sat in Speech today listening to the lecture about relationships and I was thinking about him. We were never even in a relationship. He never let it get that far. He liked me, and at the time I knew it, but he wouldn't admit it. He didn't want me, and we both knew it. He wanted her.

That's what he got. All I got was 4 years of him. Him. The name still makes me cringe. He admits to me on my 18th birthday his feelings for me when I was 15. He admits it all to me when it was all too late. I analyzed it in my mind all night. I knew I was over him, but this changed things. This changed everything I'd ever thought about what had gone on between us. I was no longer the unliked. I was now the liked and misinformed. He lied. For probably 3 years out of our friendship he lied constantly.

He cheated. He admitted to cheating. He said that for 8 months he dated 2 girls at the same time. Then he went back on it, saying that he lied about the cheating as well. He said he did nothing wrong, that he dated 2 girls at DIFFERENT times. I didn't believe him. I still don't.

Why does he still bother me? I hardly speak to him and he still runs through my mind.

I have no idea where this came from.

Crickets. Crunch. Ew. They're everywhere. Everytime I walk outside of my dorm room, dead crickets are scattered across the disgusting floor. Today alone my roommate killed 8 crickets 4 of which came out of her school bag. I once found one crawling in my bed. One has escaped and is living somewhere underneath my roommate's desk. I've heard rumors of an extirminator. Let's hope so.

Going home was nice and completely cricket free. Spent the whole day Saturday studying for my History class. I've decided that that class will be the end of me. My teacher requires us to read a 19 page article in one of our textbooks and then write a page and a half paper summarizing what we read. Then we do two more and we're done. She made it sound so simple. I didn't know that it would take me 12 hours.

Yay college.

Minor. I have yet to get that word completely scrubbed off of my hand. There's still a faint blue streak across where it was stamped. Why was minor stamped on my hand, you ask? My first clubbing experience.

We decided on Element in Austin. It was alright. I hadn't danced since prom, so that was fun. Apparently I must have looked fantastic that night because 2 minutes after I walked into the club, a short hispanic man came up and tried to drag me on the dance floor. I immediately refused, but he had a tight grip on my wrist and was trying to convince me to dance with him in very broken English. I could think of no excuse. Luckily, my best friend said "Um, her boyfriend is in the bathroom, I don't think he'd like that very much." The man immediately let go of me and backed off. So I had to act like Michael was my boyfriend for the rest of the night.

It was an interesting night. I've never been hit on so many times in my life, especially by 30 year old men. The DJ for 96.7 KISS FM offered to buy us drinks, until he realized we weren't 21 and then offered to buy us some water. 6th street was an adventure to say the least. Catcalls from guys saying "Damn! All of y'all are hott!" to a guy actually coming up to us and saying "So, where's the afterparty?" There was many sad attempts at pick up lines, and ultimately a guy stumbling drunk behind us saying "STOP MOVING SO FAST!" An encounter with a man counting dozens of one dollar bills on the bus ended in us finding out he was a gay male stripper.

I guess the only way I can end this is by saying...

Keep Austin Weird.

So I spoke to my mother the other night for the first time in probably a week. Or actually, it was more of her talking, and me sitting there saying "Uh huh" or "Yeah". That's how it usually goes. I'm really glad I didn't follow in my brother's footsteps and stay home and go to ACC for my freshman year. Although, my mom said that because he saved them money from staying home his freshman year was the reason he got to study abroad in England this summer. Doesn't sound very fair, but I'll work something out.

I had my first 2 tests this week, one in math and one in geography. I studied like crazy for my geography test and I'm pretty sure I aced it. I made sure that I wore my England jersey yesterday as well, because for some reason I think it brings me good luck. That and I love the awkward stares I get in the quad, considering normally it's guys wearing soccer jerseys. I love that jersey though, and I'm glad my brother bought it in England AFTER they had lost in the World Cup so it was only like 8 pounds.

Rain. Such a lovely thing. I actually love it, except when I have to walk through it. Everyone else seems to be so prepared with their cute little umbrellas that keep them perfectly dry. Oh, but no, I always seems to be saying obscenities as I rush out into the rain with my t-shirt quickly becoming soaked, my jeans covered in spots of rain, and my flip flops sliding all across the pavement. How does everyone else know when it will rain? Oh yeah, the Weather channel.

When I first moved into my dorm room, and for about the first 2 weeks, it seemed relatively quiet. Of course, the trains go by just like in every other dorm, but that seemed to be the only loud noise. Then my roommate moved in, and I realized that there are quite a few annoying noises in my dorm. I'll list them:

1. The swing outside of Laurel. My window is really near the swing on the front porch of Laurel, and that is the loudest swing I've ever heard in my life. People will sit on the swing, and just start swinging as hard as possible, and every time it swings, it makes a very loud creaking noise that could drive anyone crazy.
2. The crickets throughout the whole dorm. Not only do my roommate and I kill atleast one cricket per day in our room, but they're insanely loud crickets as well. I hear them in the hallways, they crawl around in the bathrooms, and they jump all around our room. It's disgusting and annoying.
3. The TV that I brought from home. It's a Philips and it's incredibly small, but I didn't think it would be a problem. That is until I realized that sometimes it's starts making a really loud squealing noise. Every now and then it gets really high pitched and then will all of a sudden stop, and then after a few moments of soothing silence it will begin again. I don't know what's wrong with it.
4. The piano in the lobby. If you wish to play a piano in a semi-public place, you need to atleast know how to play. Chopsticks definitely doesn't count as talent in piano.
5. Loud girls coming home late when I have an 8am class. They just need to be quiet.

And a few more complaints:

1. My dorm is absolutely FREEZING. My dorm room is at a constant of around 69 degrees. At night it gets down to a low of maybe 64 and during the day, if we're lucky, it gets up to around 70. Basically everyone on my floor is freezing at all times. Oh, and we're not allowed to open the windows, so we basically just freeze all the time. It actually feels better outside most of the time than it does inside.
2. People cook the most disgusting smelling food. Whether it's Chef Boyardee or some sort of disgusting chicken, the smells seem to waft right into my room. Not only that, but apparently everyone who eats popcorn has forgotten how to pop it. I smell burned popcorn atleast 3-4 times a week.

Okay, I'm done complaining.

This weekend was exactly what I needed. I hadn't really planned on going home this weekend. I'd actually planned to go to Dallas to attend a concert, but I'd decided that yes, my car has good gas mileage, and yes, I have the gas money to go there, but I have no cruise control in my car, and that doesn't sound like a fun ride. Then my friend from home called me and told me that she really wanted me to go to the first home football game for the high school I graduated from. I, of course, couldn't say no. So I planned on driving home Friday and coming back to San Marcos on Saturday.

Then my youth director called and left me a message asking if I'd be interested in going as a youth leader to a retreat this weekend at a lake house on Lake Buchanan. I immediately accepted, and I'm so glad I did. My youth group has been one of the greatest things that has ever happened to me. Not only have they made me who I am today, but they've also helped me to break out of my shell.

After watching the amazing UT vs. Ohio game (I'm not exactly a UT fan, at all), my youth director decided we should play some "Who's Line is it Anyway" games. Apparently I'm a pretty good improv actress because everyone was practically rolling around on the ground laughing. From parts like "a lesbian who has been put on the show to turn straight" to "an alcoholic redneck" I was surprised at what I could come up with on the spot.

I'm pretty sure that footage will come back to haunt me someday.