My new passion.

I should probably update this.

It actually feels good to be back in San Marcos. Going home is so complicated. I forgot how much easier it is to live away from my parents than it is to live with them. I'd forgotten about being asked what time I got home and being asked to do the dishes. Those 5 days seemed longer than usual. Georgetown tends to be boring in the first place, but it was weird being there again. It was fun seeing old friends, but we all knew that things weren't the same.

Speaking of friends, my best friends from high school are driving me insane. I have 3 best friends. One of them goes to Texas State with me, and I've known her since the 2nd grade. Another (my BEST best friend) goes to UT in Austin, and the other goes to UNT in Denton and I've known both of them since middle school. Our whole senior year of high school we were in a constant fight about college and how things were going to be different when we left. Well, we were right and I'm once again the friend in the middle of it all.

Guys are confusing. Some are assholes, some are arrogant, and some are actually nice. I've encountered one of each in the past few months. The "asshole" has been a problem for many years, and I'm always in a constant battle to get rid of him. The "arrogant" one was my own fault. I met a guy at a frat party, found him attractive, and went on a date with him. That was my own stupidity. The "actually nice" one is a new development. He's still in high school, which is problem number one, and he's not clear about his feelings.

I'm tired of rambling.

I looked out the window of the library wondering "What am I doing here?" Am I meant for this? I have no idea what I want to do with my life, just a bunch of stolen aspirations I've collected over the years.

I'm only 18. I shouldn't be deciding the rest of my life in this moment. I'm YOUNG. I'm supposed to be experiencing the world, not sitting in this library worrying about the War of 1812 and what the meaning of Fletcher vs. Peck was.

But at the same time, I find education to be important. I don't want to be wasting my parents money here. Society has told me that at the age of 18 I should be attending college, 4 to 5 years later I should be graduating with some pointless degree I chose when I knew nothing about the world, and then I'm supposed to slave away in some tiny office until I'm 65 years old and THEN I'm supposed to explore the world.

Venic could be gone by then.

I want to see Venice.


It's amazing what you can write in the library when you don't want to study for history.

Borat

I don't even know where to start with this movie.

I have honestly never seen an audience at a movie theater react to a movie the way that they did to this one. Half of the movie you couldn't even hear because people were still laughing so hard.

Yes, it was crude.

Yes, it was offensive.

I found it funny though that people were afraid it was more offensive to Jews and people from Kazakhstan, when really, its WAY more offensive towards Americans.

There is one scene in the movie that is just absolutely disgusting, but at the same time hilarious. There is no way that you can't laugh at it, no matter how disgusted you are. People in the theater were SCREAMING with laughter for the full probably 5 minutes of this scene. I haven't laughed that hard in a long time. It's one of those things that you wish you could look away from, but you have to keep looking back because it's so unbelievable.

A friend of mine saw it in San Marcos and said that people actually got up and left the theater because of this scene.

I think this is just one of those movies you have to see to believe. I tried to explain it to my mom and she just thought I was insane.

I can't believe Rick Perry won again.

Although, I'm quite glad Kinky will go away now.

I always have secret aspirations. I say they're secret, but really when I find these aspirations, I like to tell people about them.

Ever since I was a kid, I wanted to be...a teacher.
Problems with Amy being a teacher:
1. She doesn't want to be one.

So that eliminates teaching.

Then I wanted to be...Luke Skywalker.
Problems with Amy being Luke Skywalker:
1. I am a girl. Luke Skywalker is just girly.
2. Luke Skywalker does not exist and I don't want to be Mark Hammill.
and 3. The only reason I wanted to be Luke Skywalker was because of the lightsaber, and those don't exist.

So that eliminates Luke Skywalker.

Last fall, I wanted to be...a football player.
Problems with Amy being a football player:
1. I'm a girl.
2. Not only am I a girl, but I'm a skinny, tall, scrawny girl.
3. That, and I've never been athletic.
and 4. I can barely play football on video games.

So that eliminates football player.

Then Olympics season came around and I wanted to be...A snowboarder.
Problems with Amy being a snowboarder:
1. I've never snowboarded.
2. I've only been skiing, and I sucked at it.
3. I live in TEXAS.
4. I can barely snowboard on video games.

So that eliminated snowboarding.

Then I visited Mississippi and watched Invisible Children and I wanted to be...A missionary.

This one is actually still possible.

Then the FIFA World Cup became my new obsession and I wanted to be...An England soccer player.
Problems with Amy being an England Soccer Player:
1. I'm not from England.
2. I don't play soccer.
3. I'm a girl, and the FIFA World Cup is all male.
and 4. I'm actually kind of good at soccer on video games.

Which pretty much knocks out England Soccer Player.

Now my friend Sara and I have decided to make a video of our "travel show" in order to send it to The Travel Channel so they will pay us to travel the world.
Sound possible?
Don't ruin our fun. ; )

So the past week has been quite eventful. I thought about going home this past weekend until I realized that it was "Halloween weekend" and decided not to. I went and stayed at my best friend's, Kelly, apartment in Austin on Friday night and "watched" The Grudge. Watched is in quotes because I don't do well with scary movies which forced me to cover my face with a pillow the whole movie.

Then on Saturday, Kelly and her roommate, Kelsey, gave Angie and I a tour of the UT campus. It's gorgeous, but too big, and I like Texas State better. We laid in the middle of what they call "The Six Pack" (basically The Quad) for a couple of hours and watched some unfortunate frat boys parade by in women's dresses.

Then while waiting for the bus, my friend Amanda called me begging me to go to a Halloween party with her that night. I came very close to telling her no because I needed to work on history. Then I realized what I was about to say and decided that I needed to have some fun, so I told her I'd go.

Amanda dressed up as a mechanic, which confused a lot of people. One person actually asked if she was a "biker bitch". Angie went as a baseball player, and I went as a soccer player. I wish I'd had more time to be clever with my costume, but oh well.

I, surprisingly, met a lot of cool people at the party, which made me pretty happy.

This week is definitely turning around. My classes are sucking, but life is being pretty nice to me right now. :D

So on Monday I realized that I have 3 more history papers due next Monday so for the past 2 nights I've been spending hours and hours in the library reading and writing for my history class. This has made me realize that no matter how hard I study for that class...

I will still get a C.

My history teacher told us that in order to even pass a test we need to be studying 8 to 10 hours. EIGHT to TEN hours. I studied for atleast 8 for the last test and only received a C-.

All I want is a B.

Please?

You know it's bad when:

• The lady in the chicken line no longer has to ask what side you want.
• You've created a friendship with the guy that makes the sandwiches and now he complains to you about the portion sizes and how they have to weigh the meat.
• You asked for taco salads so often that when you walked up to the line one night the man immediately said "We don't have any chicken left. All we have is this greasy shit."
• You and your roommate have created a TV schedule in the morning of The Ellen Degeneres Show and then immediately switch to Lifetime movies.
• You have an ongoing contest with your friends to see which picture on your wall will fall off last.
• You actually get excited about 50 cent Tuesdays at the Showplace theater.
• Your trash has started to overflow so much that you've started to use empty cereal boxes as trashcans.
• A Friday night consists of you and your friends making videos of lipsynching to old songs.
• A Sunday night consists of searching for a parking spot for hours, and then spending hours editing the videos from Friday night and seeing how many views you can get on YouTube.

Amazingly bad.

Holy crap. That is my only response right now to the movie "The Departed".

I went and saw it last night with my friend Angie and some of our friends from UT, which I knew was a bad idea because:
a. I, of course, had an 8am class today
and b. My friends don't do all that well with movies that are violent.

I really have no explanation as to what the movie was like. Basically a bunch of confusing dialogue mixed with an insane storyline with a bunch of people shooting other people in the head and about a million more blood splatters on the walls than Miami Vice even had. The word I would use to describe it would be suspenseful, because the whole time Angie and I were muttering "dammit" back and forth when something would happen. I really like movies like that where you're trying to figure out the ending, but in the end you had absolutely no idea that that would ever happen.

I definitely reccommend seeing it atleast once.

Dreams.

Psychoanalysis. My friend Angie was telling me about the english paper she has to write about Freud's method of psychoanalysis. I find it incredibly interesting, but I'm not sure I could psychoanalyze myself. She has to answer a question about her dreams.

Dreams. I've been having some strange ones lately. Last night I dreamed in kind of a video game mode that I went to England and had to find my way around some city but all I could think about was how entertained I was at their accents and how worried I was that they would find me to be an American. What a dream. I'm never any good at interpreting dreams.

One time I dreamed that an alligator was biting me and I woke up with my own hand gripping my other arm as if it was "biting" it. Another time I dreamed that I went to my grandparents house, which was built into the side of a hill, but when I walked through their house I just came to the side of a cliff. When I reached the side of a cliff there was pieces of furniture jammed into the ground all down the hillside, and I turned around to see a girl I went to school with. All she said was something about sour cream and onion chips. I wish I remembered her exact words. I believe it was "Where's my chips?" and I said "But...they're sour cream and onion." It was a lot funnier at the time.

In my senior year of high school, I had 2 absolutely strange dreams. One consisted of me being at a restaurant with some girl from my school that I'd never even spoken to. She walked up to me and handed me a DVD of the musical Oklahoma! and said that she'd finally remembered to bring it to me. I then went "home" and sat on a swing on my porch (my house never had a porch or a swing, hence why i put "home") and opened the DVD case only to find cocaine in it. Not a nice little vial or bag of cocaine either, just white powder all throughout a DVD case of Oklahoma!

My last weird dream was during football season of my senior year, when I'd recently become obsessed with the sport (I've since become more obsessed with soccer, which, technically, still is football). I dreamed that the football coach had decided that girls could try out for the team, so me and this girl Allison decided to try out. I was apparently so amazing that they made me the quarterback and I led our team (which is horrible in real life) to an amazing undefeated season where we won State. Amazing, huh?

I then told my best friend this dream, who then repeated it to my whole Accounting II class who never let me live it down for the rest of the year.

Dreams are weird.

My contact has been hating me all day. I don't know why I haven't taken it out yet. It's been hurting ever since I put it in my eye this morning before I got in the shower. I was constantly messing with it during Geography and even more during Speech. I'm probably infecting my eye now just because I don't want to take it out. I'm thinking it's defective.

Going back to Georgetown tomorrow. My mom called me and said that she really wanted me to come back this weekend since she only got to see me for a few hours last weekend. So I'm once again making the hour drive back, probably an hour and a half with traffic. I'm excited to see some of my friends that are still in high school.

Yay home.

I went to watch a flag football game last night that Delta Chi was playing. I went with 2 of my friends, so that's the only reason it was actually fun. As we were walking back to my friends car, I was making a joke (that was surprisingly funny) and I wasn't paying attention to where I was walking. I, of course, ended up stepping in a large muddy puddle. My whole right foot was covered in mud. I won't lie, I laughed at it. I walked into HEB with my foot completely muddy and disgusting and I didn't get to wash it off until I got back to my dorm where I proceeded to stick just my foot into the shower.

Heh.

As I wait nervously for my roommate to get back, I slowly get addicted to the show Little People, Big World. The clock turns to 10:41pm and I'm wondering why her meeting is taking so long, because I need to use her printer to print off my English paper. She comes in complaining how her internet wasn't working earlier and that she hopes it is now so that I can print my paper.

I'm about to print it.

I'm not completely satisfied (at all) with my paper, but it's good enough for now.

Eh.

Super Nintendo.

So I brought my amazing Super Nintendo from home and after many attempts at making it work it finally did. My dad thought it would be a good idea to store it in our storage shed for probably 5 years and one day before I moved out, I found it. It's quite discolored. Instead of being a light grey it's now kind of a yellowish brown and in order to make the games work you have to blow on them atleast 17 times.

But it works, and that's all that matters.

I took that picture the summer before my senior year when I finally beat Super Mario World. It only took me from 1992 to 2005. My friends thought I was nuts. I found it to be quite an accomplishment.

Anyways, my roommate has found a new found obsession in this little machine. When I was needing to study for history, she asked if I wanted to play Super Nintendo. Of course, I couldn't say no. Luckily, I'd been studying for that test all day anyways, so I'm pretty sure I did fine on it.

Key point is that my Super Nintendo has the potential of getting in the way of my studies.

One of the songs was actually playing in my head during a Speech test.

Obsession?

I hope so.

Strangely enough I'm already thinking about summer. I know that the last one has just ended and that the next one is far, far away, but I'm still thinking about it. All I can think about is how I'm gonna have to work my ass off this summer.

As you all (now) know, I've never had an actual job. I've babysat a few times, but my parents don't know many adults with kids and all of my cousins live far away, so that left no more babysitting jobs. All of my friends started getting jobs at the beginning of senior year, and my mom said that I "could if i wanted" but she didn't want it to get in the way of my schoolwork. Schoolwork? Senior year? Yeah, right.

But, of course, when my mom didn't force me to get a job, I decided not to. Then my mom began to threaten that I needed to get a job last summer. My dad even got my brother to pick up an application at HEB (where my brother has worked for like 3 years). Then my parents began to plan vacations and I signed up for my last summer of church events and all of a sudden a month of my summer was blocked out: 4 days in San Antonio for a festival my parents attend, 10 days on an Alaskan cruise (which required us to fly to Canada and stay there for 2 days), 2 days for orientation, 6 days in South Padre with my youth group, and 7 days in Ohio to visit my aunt and uncle.

Therefore no time for a job. Thank God for graduation money because that's what I'm living off of for the next year. Then it's a full summer of working to save up money for, hopefully, a summer of studying abroad in England the summer before either my junior or senior year.

It's seems as if everything I do, my brother has already done.

Hmm.

Went into Austin yesterday to see The Last Kiss, meet my parents for dinner, and to shop. I highly recommend The Last Kiss, but only if you 1. like thought provoking movies that make you analyze your life, and 2. you like Zach Braff. Many people were expecting another Garden State from this movie, but it's not what you get, although the music choice is amazing. It kind of reminded me of Closer (which I LOVED), but it's not nearly as depressing.

Dinner with my parents and brother was fun. It seem as if we fight less now that I've moved out. My mom seems to like me a lot more now. Shopping with tiring. I really don't like shopping, which apparently is strange for a girl. I hate spending money. I'm tall, therefore jeans are hard to find. It's really just no fun for me. I spent probably 80 dollars on 2 shirts and a pair of jeans. That's sickening.

I want to visit England. One day?

Maybe?

The normally scorching hot sand felt cool beneath my tired feet as I threw my flip flops by the showers and raced down the steps after him. It had been an emotionally draining night that had filled my mind with thoughts that were racing and I was having a hard time concentrating. He was silent and hadn't spoken since we'd stepped onto the moonlit beach. I looked down the shoreline and saw the other two walking side by side and I felt my heart drop into my stomach. He finally spoke. He'd been staring out at the ocean for a full 5 minutes and was finally saying something. The words he said I'll never forget.

"Have you ever wondered what would happen if the waves just stopped?"

I hadn't.

Every year when I return to that beach, I walk down there at night and just stand on the shore in silence and think about what he said.

What if the waves stopped?

I wish I had known. I wish I was sitting here thinking back on it and actually thinking that it was a good idea. I sat in Speech today listening to the lecture about relationships and I was thinking about him. We were never even in a relationship. He never let it get that far. He liked me, and at the time I knew it, but he wouldn't admit it. He didn't want me, and we both knew it. He wanted her.

That's what he got. All I got was 4 years of him. Him. The name still makes me cringe. He admits to me on my 18th birthday his feelings for me when I was 15. He admits it all to me when it was all too late. I analyzed it in my mind all night. I knew I was over him, but this changed things. This changed everything I'd ever thought about what had gone on between us. I was no longer the unliked. I was now the liked and misinformed. He lied. For probably 3 years out of our friendship he lied constantly.

He cheated. He admitted to cheating. He said that for 8 months he dated 2 girls at the same time. Then he went back on it, saying that he lied about the cheating as well. He said he did nothing wrong, that he dated 2 girls at DIFFERENT times. I didn't believe him. I still don't.

Why does he still bother me? I hardly speak to him and he still runs through my mind.

I have no idea where this came from.

Crickets. Crunch. Ew. They're everywhere. Everytime I walk outside of my dorm room, dead crickets are scattered across the disgusting floor. Today alone my roommate killed 8 crickets 4 of which came out of her school bag. I once found one crawling in my bed. One has escaped and is living somewhere underneath my roommate's desk. I've heard rumors of an extirminator. Let's hope so.

Going home was nice and completely cricket free. Spent the whole day Saturday studying for my History class. I've decided that that class will be the end of me. My teacher requires us to read a 19 page article in one of our textbooks and then write a page and a half paper summarizing what we read. Then we do two more and we're done. She made it sound so simple. I didn't know that it would take me 12 hours.

Yay college.

Minor. I have yet to get that word completely scrubbed off of my hand. There's still a faint blue streak across where it was stamped. Why was minor stamped on my hand, you ask? My first clubbing experience.

We decided on Element in Austin. It was alright. I hadn't danced since prom, so that was fun. Apparently I must have looked fantastic that night because 2 minutes after I walked into the club, a short hispanic man came up and tried to drag me on the dance floor. I immediately refused, but he had a tight grip on my wrist and was trying to convince me to dance with him in very broken English. I could think of no excuse. Luckily, my best friend said "Um, her boyfriend is in the bathroom, I don't think he'd like that very much." The man immediately let go of me and backed off. So I had to act like Michael was my boyfriend for the rest of the night.

It was an interesting night. I've never been hit on so many times in my life, especially by 30 year old men. The DJ for 96.7 KISS FM offered to buy us drinks, until he realized we weren't 21 and then offered to buy us some water. 6th street was an adventure to say the least. Catcalls from guys saying "Damn! All of y'all are hott!" to a guy actually coming up to us and saying "So, where's the afterparty?" There was many sad attempts at pick up lines, and ultimately a guy stumbling drunk behind us saying "STOP MOVING SO FAST!" An encounter with a man counting dozens of one dollar bills on the bus ended in us finding out he was a gay male stripper.

I guess the only way I can end this is by saying...

Keep Austin Weird.

So I spoke to my mother the other night for the first time in probably a week. Or actually, it was more of her talking, and me sitting there saying "Uh huh" or "Yeah". That's how it usually goes. I'm really glad I didn't follow in my brother's footsteps and stay home and go to ACC for my freshman year. Although, my mom said that because he saved them money from staying home his freshman year was the reason he got to study abroad in England this summer. Doesn't sound very fair, but I'll work something out.

I had my first 2 tests this week, one in math and one in geography. I studied like crazy for my geography test and I'm pretty sure I aced it. I made sure that I wore my England jersey yesterday as well, because for some reason I think it brings me good luck. That and I love the awkward stares I get in the quad, considering normally it's guys wearing soccer jerseys. I love that jersey though, and I'm glad my brother bought it in England AFTER they had lost in the World Cup so it was only like 8 pounds.

Rain. Such a lovely thing. I actually love it, except when I have to walk through it. Everyone else seems to be so prepared with their cute little umbrellas that keep them perfectly dry. Oh, but no, I always seems to be saying obscenities as I rush out into the rain with my t-shirt quickly becoming soaked, my jeans covered in spots of rain, and my flip flops sliding all across the pavement. How does everyone else know when it will rain? Oh yeah, the Weather channel.

When I first moved into my dorm room, and for about the first 2 weeks, it seemed relatively quiet. Of course, the trains go by just like in every other dorm, but that seemed to be the only loud noise. Then my roommate moved in, and I realized that there are quite a few annoying noises in my dorm. I'll list them:

1. The swing outside of Laurel. My window is really near the swing on the front porch of Laurel, and that is the loudest swing I've ever heard in my life. People will sit on the swing, and just start swinging as hard as possible, and every time it swings, it makes a very loud creaking noise that could drive anyone crazy.
2. The crickets throughout the whole dorm. Not only do my roommate and I kill atleast one cricket per day in our room, but they're insanely loud crickets as well. I hear them in the hallways, they crawl around in the bathrooms, and they jump all around our room. It's disgusting and annoying.
3. The TV that I brought from home. It's a Philips and it's incredibly small, but I didn't think it would be a problem. That is until I realized that sometimes it's starts making a really loud squealing noise. Every now and then it gets really high pitched and then will all of a sudden stop, and then after a few moments of soothing silence it will begin again. I don't know what's wrong with it.
4. The piano in the lobby. If you wish to play a piano in a semi-public place, you need to atleast know how to play. Chopsticks definitely doesn't count as talent in piano.
5. Loud girls coming home late when I have an 8am class. They just need to be quiet.

And a few more complaints:

1. My dorm is absolutely FREEZING. My dorm room is at a constant of around 69 degrees. At night it gets down to a low of maybe 64 and during the day, if we're lucky, it gets up to around 70. Basically everyone on my floor is freezing at all times. Oh, and we're not allowed to open the windows, so we basically just freeze all the time. It actually feels better outside most of the time than it does inside.
2. People cook the most disgusting smelling food. Whether it's Chef Boyardee or some sort of disgusting chicken, the smells seem to waft right into my room. Not only that, but apparently everyone who eats popcorn has forgotten how to pop it. I smell burned popcorn atleast 3-4 times a week.

Okay, I'm done complaining.

This weekend was exactly what I needed. I hadn't really planned on going home this weekend. I'd actually planned to go to Dallas to attend a concert, but I'd decided that yes, my car has good gas mileage, and yes, I have the gas money to go there, but I have no cruise control in my car, and that doesn't sound like a fun ride. Then my friend from home called me and told me that she really wanted me to go to the first home football game for the high school I graduated from. I, of course, couldn't say no. So I planned on driving home Friday and coming back to San Marcos on Saturday.

Then my youth director called and left me a message asking if I'd be interested in going as a youth leader to a retreat this weekend at a lake house on Lake Buchanan. I immediately accepted, and I'm so glad I did. My youth group has been one of the greatest things that has ever happened to me. Not only have they made me who I am today, but they've also helped me to break out of my shell.

After watching the amazing UT vs. Ohio game (I'm not exactly a UT fan, at all), my youth director decided we should play some "Who's Line is it Anyway" games. Apparently I'm a pretty good improv actress because everyone was practically rolling around on the ground laughing. From parts like "a lesbian who has been put on the show to turn straight" to "an alcoholic redneck" I was surprised at what I could come up with on the spot.

I'm pretty sure that footage will come back to haunt me someday.

It seems that this whole blogger thing is giving me serious problems. I spent an hour today trying to figure out the blogroll thing, when in the end I found out that I hadn't signed up for blogger beta. What a disappointment.

My life seems to have become more and more awkward as I get settled into Texas State. Whether it's the guy who seems to be afraid of me in my math class or the guy who I actually "met" a year and a half ago but didn't actually meet until I saw him in my history class one day. Note to self, find out his intentions. The most awkward experience it seems is seeing people from high school. Especially people I never spoke to but saw every day of my life for 3 years. It's that completely awkward stare where you make complete eye contact with them for a full 3-5 seconds until you both realize that you're staring at each other and then you end up looking at the ground and practically running away. This is especially awkard when in the Maui Taco line.

I really want to order the Paia burrito but I'm afraid of saying it like an idiot.

"What is your hobby?" That's quite the terrifying question for me. Everyone else seems to have set answers. One person in one of my classes actually said his hobby was "getting plastered". I, on the other hand, have absolutely no answer to this question. I literally have no hobbies. I once played piano, but I am no longer capable. I once played basketball and failed. I have no amazing talents. I win no special awards. I am just a normal person with no special talents.

"What is your major?" Yet another question I dislike answering. I've led Texas State to believe that I wish to be an elementary school teacher, which used to be true. I spent most of my life, from the age of 5 to 17, believing that I wanted to be a teacher. I was so wrong.

The point of this blog is to show that I'm having a difficult time finding something I'm good at. There is only one thing that I seem to be especially good at doing, and that is watching movies.

Watching movies takes absolutely no skill at all besides the capability of being quiet for a few hours, especially when you're in a crowded movie theater. One of the most difficult things to do is go to a movie with 5-10 other girls because it seems as if none of them can shut up for more than 10 minutes. Some people are "movie talkers". Whether they're talking to their friends the whole movie about things they see, or talking to themselves out loud, they're in a constant state of conversation.

I am not one of these people. I enjoy watching movies in silence, most of the time by myself, because my friends are normally saying things like "Wait, what did he say?" or "Why would he do that?". I can't take that. If it's a comedy or a movie that is supposed to be funny, I can watch it with friends, but if it's a movie that needs to be taken seriously, I have to watch it alone. All of my favorite movies are ones that I watched alone, which includes Crash, American Beauty, A Love Song for Bobby Long, Closer, and A Beautiful Mind. The original Star Wars trilogy recently slipped down to number 6. I'm sure George Lucas is heartbroken.

All for now.